Herstory ;O)
June is coming. I have zero reason for why I am somehow cannot wait. But I'm hoping it will be a month just to quit from something. A not yet begin something. Something that I've been worried of lately. Something that shouldn't be something, but it already has. But I think I'm glad it actually did. ;O)
Ohh, I have plenty thoughts to write, really, but they all have to wait. 'cause I fear them to be just mere and empty writings. Just by re-reading the old ones, I feel that I am responsible for every single word I wrote, especially here. And never this heart of mine feel so heavy, so so heavy that only God knows what. Oh, just how far had I'd been since then? Dear God.
Perhaps to be less selfish, I could still write few para today. But you will see me writing less and less from this day forward. I don't have the courage to simply say that I will never write again or anything like that, 'cause that will never happen. I could be just a complete antonym by tomorrow of what I said today. So yes, I won't speak such promise, not to you readers, not to any of you ;O)
Well OK, this was just what I had in mind. It'd been there for few days and I thought the final place for it to be is, here.
I thought of patience.
Something about today had made me think about it. And I accidentally, constantly did. I think patience is a gift. A gift that everyone has it, but not all, choose to use it. And in my case, it has to do with time. That I had changed with time or time had changed me. Either way, I know that I had more patience when I was little than I have now. If that's just an excuse, well IDK. But why I always go back in time and adore myself as a kid than I am as adult is simply because of that reason. Just how could that possibly be? Maybe something fundamental in me had changed. I think it must have be, at least a bit.
So what has changed?
I couldn't sit but to look around. So I sure went to find out and I thought of something that was worth to do. Well what is more reliable than oneself writings? Yes, I was pathetic low that I read about my past from the journals I had when I was schooling. Few were gone missing, and only two of them still left. But never mind that, I wrote in many places, pages and I hope I could find them, if any time soon. So the two books were saved. One when I was 14 and another one was written when I was 16. But of course, there were blanks here and there and my handwriting was so small, round and ugly. Ha-ha! And, and there were some lousy drawings too. The books were thin but they were good enough for writing and drawing. ;O)
So I quickly turned the pages, I laughed, I smiled and I laughed again at those silly written memorable moments. There was one page where it was written in japanese and few kanji. I had a hard time reading it but I think it was a happy writing. My first personal writing in Japanese. Shame that I didn't do that anymore, but only once and that was it. That was only it.
So yeah, I've finally read them through and so it's true. I had more patience back then even after I finished school. None of them had my complaints for they all seemed fine, that everything I did in life was under my consent and control. Even there were few times I got into trouble, I believe I could go through them all by myself and carried out those heavy duties with no worries as I thought a kid would have. I was being a terrific kid indeed. I was that little, carefree, happy kid.
But talk about nine years ago.
Anyways, this is me now. Enough with the old flame and the so-called glory. Those are no super wonders for kids these days, but I still would wanna adore that kid I used to be. How much faith and grace she had with her. For her, being patient is the most natural thing to do in the world. And just how childish I am now, and I already know it. LOL. :OD
OK guys, I need to go. Big apologies if I sound too proud about myself, for I don't mean to do any of that. I want to let go of this old happy herstory already, 'cause I think it just eats me up and I could not grow any better with it.
So, good bye to you, super kid. Good byes. ;O)
So what has changed?
I couldn't sit but to look around. So I sure went to find out and I thought of something that was worth to do. Well what is more reliable than oneself writings? Yes, I was pathetic low that I read about my past from the journals I had when I was schooling. Few were gone missing, and only two of them still left. But never mind that, I wrote in many places, pages and I hope I could find them, if any time soon. So the two books were saved. One when I was 14 and another one was written when I was 16. But of course, there were blanks here and there and my handwriting was so small, round and ugly. Ha-ha! And, and there were some lousy drawings too. The books were thin but they were good enough for writing and drawing. ;O)
So I quickly turned the pages, I laughed, I smiled and I laughed again at those silly written memorable moments. There was one page where it was written in japanese and few kanji. I had a hard time reading it but I think it was a happy writing. My first personal writing in Japanese. Shame that I didn't do that anymore, but only once and that was it. That was only it.
So yeah, I've finally read them through and so it's true. I had more patience back then even after I finished school. None of them had my complaints for they all seemed fine, that everything I did in life was under my consent and control. Even there were few times I got into trouble, I believe I could go through them all by myself and carried out those heavy duties with no worries as I thought a kid would have. I was being a terrific kid indeed. I was that little, carefree, happy kid.
But talk about nine years ago.
Anyways, this is me now. Enough with the old flame and the so-called glory. Those are no super wonders for kids these days, but I still would wanna adore that kid I used to be. How much faith and grace she had with her. For her, being patient is the most natural thing to do in the world. And just how childish I am now, and I already know it. LOL. :OD
OK guys, I need to go. Big apologies if I sound too proud about myself, for I don't mean to do any of that. I want to let go of this old happy herstory already, 'cause I think it just eats me up and I could not grow any better with it.
So, good bye to you, super kid. Good byes. ;O)
I'm in my elephant mode right now, just the right mode I think ;ODDD
Hear it from Rice, guys, hear it.
O' June is coming, June is coming.
;O)
;O)
P/S: BTW, how the writing goes, readers(?)
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